When we look back at the early years with Alexis and the childhood of our now 15-year old younger son, it’s a bittersweet mix of nostalgia and heartbreak. Alexis was robbed of her childhood due to social media – social media created a burden all four of us will always carry.
As a child, Alexis had boundless energy. She loved to play and sing with her little brother, go to the beach, feed the ducks, and play with her Webkinz to create charming little music videos that made our home feel like a stage. As she grew, her love for the spotlight evolved into a passion for musical theater, playing the flute, creating her own songs to play on the piano, singing in the chorus, and she also enjoyed being a member of the track team during middle school. In high school, we remember her excitement as she worked backstage and crafted videos for school performances and being a member of the tennis team. Those were moments of pure joy for her, and it was heartwarming to see her thrive in pursuits she loved so much.
Alexis’s first phone, a simple flip phone, was a practical choice. We gave her this basic phone so she could reach us when she stayed late at school for her musicals and activities. It was a time when smartphones were a distant dream, and the flip phone was a lifeline—nothing more, nothing less. It was meant to be a tool for convenience and safety, not a gateway to the dark and unforeseen world of social media.
Things changed dramatically when Alexis was in sixth grade. She created an Instagram account without our knowledge or consent using other children’s devices. Alexis would post publicly on Instagram, “12-years young” or “11 years young.” This was a clear violation of Instagram’s policy which means they had a responsibility to take down her account – but they didn’t. Instagram did not enforce their own policies. When Alexis was eleven to twelve-years-old we didn’t even understand how Instagram operated. We did not know it was feeding Alexis dangerous material through algorithms and collecting data points on our children.
In hindsight, Alexis’s online activity seemed harmless. She started looking at Webkinz, then it moved on to fitness and healthy eating as she navigated the changes of adolescence. Over time, Alexis started to receive posts marked with the hashtag #ProAna. Alexis didn’t know who “Ana” was and if “she” was ok. Alexis clicked on the hashtag and it opened the flood gate to Instagram’s algorithm, designed to keep young users engaged with dark and harmful content about eating disorders and self-harm.
Alexis’ algorithmic contact negatively affected her. We started to watch our beautiful and confident teen slip away. We started to notice that she was self-harming, running straight off to the bathroom after any meal, and she became extremely irritable. It became clear to us that her depressive and dangerous behavior went beyond average teenage changes.
We did not understand the dangers of Instagram back then, so we allowed Alexis to have what we thought was one Instagram account when she turned thirteen. We were blindsided to the reality years later that she actually had multiple Instagram accounts – which she was hiding from us. These accounts contained her self-injury and eating disorder content. We were diligent parents when it came to electronics. The one Instagram account we knew about we checked it frequently. Alexis’s phone, and any other electronic devices, were not allowed in her bedroom at night. Even though we were hyper vigilant, Alexis still became a victim to the harmful algorithm of Instagram.
Alexis’s phone became a battleground of its own, with her desperate, constant use of social media leading to heart-wrenching arguments. Watching her change from a vibrant, confident girl to someone irritable and withdrawn was devastating. We started putting her phone in the hall, but we would find her using it in the middle of the night. We would then hide the phone in our bedroom, but she would wait until we fell asleep to go through our room looking for where it was hidden. In our minds, these were behaviors of addiction. Back then we thought she was addicted to the phone. Today we’ve learned that her real addiction was to social media.
When we discovered that Alexis was struggling with an eating disorder and self-harm, our hearts broke. We sought help immediately, enrolling her in counseling, consulting with nutritionists, and engaging specialists in eating disorders. In 2018, Alexis faced a crisis so severe that we almost lost her. It was a harrowing time, and we felt powerless against the shadows cast by a platform we had once trusted to be benign.
It’s infuriating to think that while we were in the hospital trying to save our baby’s life, the algorithm on her phone was designed to keep her hooked and scrolling. If Meta released to the public how dangerous its product is for youth, Alexis’s doctors would have been the ability to diagnose her and help her heal faster.
Our children are the future of our society and our greatest commodity. We feel Meta disagrees based on its continued actions. We have regulations for so many aspects of life to keep minors safe: restrictions on gambling, alcohol, car safety, and smoking. However, there is a severe lack of regulation on social media for minors. The algorithms are designed to keep children specifically addicted, which can often lead them to dark and harmful places. This is a systemic issue that needs addressing.
Today, Alexis is a beacon of hope and resilience. She’s just graduated college with her bachelor’s degree, works as an EMT, and manages an escape room. Her dream is to become a special education teacher – to use her experiences and compassion to help others. Despite the ongoing challenges, she’s grown into a wonderful, big-hearted individual. There are still difficult days, but she’s making progress. Watching Alexis navigate life with strength and kindness is a testament to her spirit and our journey together as a family.